When you think it can't get any worse...

Hey guys,

As you may have picked up by the title of this post, it isn't the most cheerful update with the best of news. I was feeling pretty good last week until Sunday, when I started to have bad stomach pains. I felt pretty rotten on Monday and Tuesday so i stopped eating completely (even though I wasn't having much to begin with) and have just stuck with my Fortisip drinks. Sigh! For those of you who don't know me, I am a MASSIVE foodie. I love my food and am constantly snacking on something. Whilst I am enjoying the drinks its starting to SUCK having no food. One month to go! Arggh!

I had another appointment with my gastro specialist, Dr Florin yesterday. I have started back onto injections which I have previously had before called Humira. I find they help a lot but I'm not entirely sure if they are as effective as which they once were. This operation couldn't come soon enough.

While I was in there he told me some pretty upsetting news that I wasn't expecting to hear at the time. I am not dealing too well with it to be honest. Its something that I have thought might be a possibility but it was just that, a possibility and that it might not happen to me. I am pretty optimistic so I've never let it get me down and thought "we will cross that bridge when we come to it."
Until yesterday.

It is highly unlikely that I will ever be able to have children.

I haven't told my family or close friends yet, except for my mum, and sorry guys that you will probably read it here first. I'm just too devastated at the moment to tell people without bawling my eyes out. I can't even handle seeing children on the TV as it just reminds me of how much I want to be a mum and that it may never happen me. So needless to say, I am not feeling too well. I could go on about how much this sucks and is going to effect mine and Wills lives but that's a post for another day I think. For the meantime I have to focus on getting myself better. When I am ready Dr Florin will refer Will and I to see his wife, who ironically is a gynaecologist and fertility specialist, and with her we will discuss our options.

I don't think I could get through any of this without Will, I am the luckiest girl alive to have him by my side and he makes everything ok again. He is an absolute rock and came home to be by my side as soon as I told him the news. We played Mario Karts and watched Madagascar because I needed some cheerfulness, and nothing makes me (Luigi) more cheerful then chucking turtles and bananas at Will (Mario)

Love to you all


Holly